


Panic Attack

by AceAvenger



Category: Mass Effect - All Media Types, Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, Nonbinary Character, Nonbinary Commander Shepard, Other, Panic Attacks, Rooney really isn't very kind to their self
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-30
Updated: 2018-11-30
Packaged: 2019-09-02 12:11:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,283
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16786708
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AceAvenger/pseuds/AceAvenger
Summary: After meeting with the Illusive Man, Commander Rooney Shepard starts to relive the memories of Akuze and needs to rely on someone. Based on a head canon of my own.





	Panic Attack

**Author's Note:**

> Rooney Shepard is non-binary and uses They/Them as their pronouns.

As the Illusive Man fades from view, Rooney Shepard stands, rooted in front of the holoscreen. A mixture of human screams and thresher maw roars swirl around in their head; the terrible memories of Akuze resurfacing. Trembling, Rooney grips the edge of the table, willing their self to stay up right. Rooney would be fine; they _needed_ to be _fine_. “Commander Shepard, do you require assistance?” EDI asks.

“I’m fine.” Rooney replies, ignoring the growing pains in their chest. “I need to return to my quarters to work on my reports. Am I needed by anyone?” Once they returned to their quarters, Rooney could work out the ugly mess of feelings bundled in their chest.

“Commander, a preliminary biological scan suggests that you are having a- “

“Not now, EDI. If I am not needed, I will be in my quarters.” As Rooney stepped away from the console, a feeling of dizziness washed over them, and they gritted their teeth. _Get to your room. No one needs to see Commander Shepard have a meltdown._ Making their way through the door of the communications room, Rooney glances around.

They sigh in relief as they walk towards Mordin’s lab. If Rooney can make it through the lab and over to the elevator, this will all be over. With every step, Rooney grows numb, feeling a sense of detachment from their limbs. The door to Mordin’s lab hisses open and Rooney steps through, making a sharp turn. They hope to avoid a conversation with Mordin about the Collector ship.

“Shit!” Rooney flinches away, almost colliding with one of the crew.

“Are you alright, Commander?” a deep voice asks. _Fuck_ , Rooney thinks as they catch his eyes. They always felt Thane could see right through them, as if he could see the Commander, for who they really were, not who they pretended to be.

Giving Thane their best poker face and holding their head up high, Rooney replies curtly, “I’m fine, Thane. I apologize for nearly running into you. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have work to do.” Rooney imagines Mordin’s eyes watching them and shakes harder. They step to the side of Thane, moving past him. As Rooney moves to pass him, he grabs their arm lightly, a gesture meant to be comforting and non-threatening. Instead, Rooney hisses, tensing up. They resist the urge to yank their arm out of his grasp. In this state, Rooney hates to be touched, even if the touch is well meant.

Realizing his mistake, Thane releases their arm and continues to stare at Rooney with those piercing eyes. Rooney swears they can see a mixture of concern and pity, or maybe that’s the anxiety talking. They hate the pity most of all. “You don’t seem fine, Commander.” He observes.

“You’re wrong. I’m fine.” Rooney replies, trying not to snap at him. They feel another tight squeeze in their chest and Rooney reflexively brings their hand up. Catching their self, Rooney lowers their arm, curling their hand into a fist.

Thane notices, his mouth settling into a frown. “Please allow me to walk you back to your quarters.”

Rooney swallows thickly as another wave of dizziness rolls over them. “I would appreciate it.” Rooney admits.

Turning away from Rooney, Thane asks, “Mordin, would you allow me to postpone my exam? I would like to walk the Commander to their quarters.” A wave of shame washes over Rooney.

Mordin waves his hand. “No other appointments today. Will be researching until you return.”

Thane turns back to Rooney, noticing the Commander’s slight trembling. “May I touch you?” He asks, quietly enough for only Rooney to hear. They nod in confirmation, and Thane links his arm through Rooney’s arm. He guides them towards the elevator, his soothing presence a stark contrast to Rooney’s anxiety.

Once both are inside the elevator, Rooney removes their arm from Thane’s and rubs their temple, noting the oncoming headache. They lean against the cool metal walls of the elevator, and ask, “Can you please press the button for my quarters?”

“You don’t need to visit Dr. Chakwas?” Thane questions.

“No, I can ride it out in my quarters. I don’t need to bother Chakwas with this.” Rooney replies, coming across somewhat confident. Thane opens his mouth to argue, but closes it, deciding to trust the Commander and presses the button for Rooney’s quarters. “Thank you.” Rooney takes another deep breath, their panic continuing to rise.

It feels as though it takes the elevator forever to climb one floor as Rooney focuses on deep breaths. They are barely aware of Thane’s presence near them, but a small part of Rooney is glad to have someone here, to not be alone. When the elevator doors slide open, Thane links his arm once more through their arm. He guides Rooney into their quarters. “Toward the couch.” Rooney commands. As soon as their mind processes the fact they are in a safe space, tears prickle at the edges of their eyes and Rooney’s breath comes in shorter gasps.

“What do you need me to do, Commander?” Thane asks, seating Rooney on the couch. He sits next to them and Rooney looks at him, noting the concern in his eyes. Not pity, not annoyance, _concern_.

“Just talk about anything please.” Rooney manages to get out between panicked breaths.

Thane is silent momentarily, choosing his words carefully. “You are going to get through this.” He places a cool hand on Rooney’s shoulder and they manage a watery smile. Sensing that he is moving in the right direction, Thane continues, “I need you to concentrate on your breathing. I promise, Commander. You will get through this.” Rooney continues focusing on their breathing, listening to the soothing sound of Thane’s voice.

\--

“Thank you, Thane. You didn’t have to do this.” Rooney says, slightly embarrassed. They aren’t fond of showing this side to people, the human side.

“Please do not thank me, Shepard.” Thane shakes his head. “Would you like to talk about it?”

Rooney shook their head; they already talked about Akuze enough to last a lifetime and Rooney wasn’t ready to open up about the other things. “No, I’m sure you have better things to do. Besides, Mordin must be waiting for you.”

Thane looked offended and slightly hurt. “Commander, it would not be a bother to talk. I care you, _deeply_.” He emphasized the last word, letting the Commander know they were not alone.

Rooney’s eyes widened, slightly guilty at having offended Thane. “I promise that when I’m ready to talk, you will be the first person I come to.” Rooney stood up, offering a hand to Thane. He gratefully accepted, allowing Rooney to help him up.

“If that is what you wish, Commander,’ Thane replied, with a nod, ‘You should remember that there a great deal of people who care about you on this ship. None of us would consider it a burden to lend an ear or think any less of you for it.”

Tears prickled at the corner of their eyes and Rooney wiped them away quickly. Their worst habit was keeping things on the inside, until it boiled over. “I’ll keep that in mind. Thank you, Thane. I mean it; I don’t know what I would have done without you.”

He smiled at the Commander, before walking towards the elevator. Rooney walked with him, following him to the elevator. “Goodbye, Commander.” Thane said, stepping into the elevator.

“Rooney.” Thane tilted his head slightly, a confused look on his face. “My name, its Rooney” They clarified awkwardly.

With a smile, Thane says, “Goodbye, Rooney.” Thankfully, the elevator doors close, before he catches sight of a goofy smile and blush on Rooney’s cheeks.

**Author's Note:**

> If I got anything about a panic attack wrong, let me know. I've only had one or two and I tried to use some resources to make sure I was being accurate.


End file.
